You have probably noticed I haven’t been blogging very recently. You may also have noticed some changes to what I’ve been posting on social media.
The short version is — I am getting a divorce. Because my husband no longer wants to be married.
Of course there is a lot more to it than that, and of course this was not a quick or easy decision. In fact, accepting this will be the best thing for me and actually walking away is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.
But essentially …. 2015 has been the worst year of my life, everything that I thought I had and knew is wrong, the foundation of everything in my life is now up-ended. Everything has changed. Everything is different. I am starting over completely.
So what do I do now? Now that I am starting over?
- Make a plan — There were months of uncertainty and anxiety and through it all the only thing I knew for sure was what I would do if/when my marriage truly ended. I needed that lifeline. I needed that plan, those guideposts. Even if it changed or never came to pass, I needed that 1 thing I could control. My plan.
That plan ended up changing a bit over the last few months, but I always had that list to come back to to reground myself.
And now that that scenario has come up, I was 200% better prepared to meet it when it finally did.
- Be gentle with yourself — I haven’t been blogging because I’m depressed and anxious. Plain and simple. I can’t focus on anything work-related, I don’t have any energy. I need a lot of time.
I’m ok with it. I’ve been going for more walks. I’ve been indulging myself by buying $6 kindle books if I want one. I’ve been giving myself permission to miss deadlines.
I certainly can’t do everything I had been doing before my life fell apart, so I’m giving myself a pass. I’m looking forward to getting back to myself, but in the meantime I know it’s ok that I’m not.
- Stay positive — I had so many hopes for our married life together, and now that it’s over I have made a concerted effort to form new hopes. I’ve started researching tips for women traveling alone, I’ve planned a couple hypothetical road trips, I’ve looked at house prices in different cities where I might want to move. …. Not a lot. And nothing definite. But better than nothing.
- Ask for help — or if you’re more like me, accept the help that is offered. Friends gave me so much slack on missed deadlines and missed project. My boss told me to take as much time off as I needed and my other boss offered to write Andrew into a book and then kill him in a violent manner. Even Andrew’s family offered to come help pack stuff if I wanted them to.
And, you guys? I need help.
I no longer have a husband, roommate, travel partner, best friend, financial support, co-cat parent, etc. I need to figure out how I can make a full-time income. I need to figure out where I want to live now. I need to figure out who I want to spend my time with.
I am moving and starting over somewhere else. We are selling the house and I have no reason to stay in California, so today I am getting in the car with my 2 cats, driving across the country and moving in with my parents for a little while (I will probably post from the road if I can).
I’ll have more thoughts as I restart my life on my own. As I continue building a full-time freelance income. I’ll have more ideas about scrapbooking and memory keeping through life events like this. I’ll have stories and laughs with the friends and family I will see more often now. I’ll have ideas about where I want to live next and what I want to deliberately choose now that I am rebuilding on my own.
This is my new story.
P.S. This is the reason I’ve barely blogged. The reason my first book hasn’t been finished as planned. The reason I never finished my December Daily album or ever went back to my January RESET project. The reason I can barely accomplish anything right now. Life is hard. Getting out of bed is hard. Please be gentle with me.
P.P.S. I will be moving into posting more long-form articles on the blog and sending more personal posts to my email list. Sign-up here if you’d like those.
P.P.P.S. This is where I ask for help. One thing you can help me with now is send your referrals for editing my way. I love that work, and I can do it any time, any where. Or grab any one of my courses. Or just buy your Amazon products through my affiliate link. Thank you. I love you guys.